My ATM looks so different sober.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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