just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
