and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
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you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
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You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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