if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
