well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Boobs are out for the taking
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
