White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
There's always time for handjobs
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
