If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
