She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
