He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
