I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
