Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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