I showed him my bush... on skype.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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