he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
