THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Randomize
