You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
