Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Hippo gnu deer
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
