Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I want her autograph on my taint
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
i think my cat just said my name.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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