I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
