I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
