You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
