The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
