We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
