do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
