Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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