my vag is so smooth its legendary
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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