Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Randomize
