a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
well you can't waste a boner
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
