I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
