I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
