He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
