Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
