She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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