I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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