Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
