She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
