Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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