You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i drank out of a bidet.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
