Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
