She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I wish there were birth control emojis
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
