I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
