I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Randomize
