I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
