i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
