my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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