How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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