I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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