just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
