I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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