I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
