Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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