I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
