I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
