I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
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I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
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I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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