I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
