my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
