I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
