His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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