Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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