just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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