see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I skipped work to stalk him.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
