Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
