The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i think i have two assholes
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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