We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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