I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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