Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
