If that was your dad, he is hot
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
