Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Princesses don't give blow jobs
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
