im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
