My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
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I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
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I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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