You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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