wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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