can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Randomize
