do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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