New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
