In America we eat man semen.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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