a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I want her autograph on my taint
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
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