My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
