The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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